Marriage 105

Divorce, Remarriage, Polygamy

Taking up where we left off, the statement was made that “under the Bible’s definition of marriage, a person has as many spouses as he/she has had sexual intercourse with”. That statement is so contrary to current Western thinking that it will need to be considered in light of the fact that (1) the Scriptures, both Tanach and New Testament, reveal the mind of God, (2) that God is not only all-knowing and all-powerful but also does nothing that is not entirely good for His creation, (3) that He is perfectly righteous and just, and orders the affairs of men, and (4) in all of His declarations and works there is a unity of purpose.

The discussion that follows is for those who claim to be Believers in Jesus Christ as their Savior, and who desire to live under His authority in His kingdom.

There has been much discussion about whether or not it was God’s will that a man would have more than one wife; we will look at that later. There was never any question, Scripturally, that a woman should not have more than one husband. The main issue is that the marriage was consummated through sexual intercourse, and from that point forward the man and the woman were bonded as one.

The term “serial polygamy” has been used to describe the situation where people marry, divorce, and then marry new partners. This has been also called “serial monogamy” when the relationship requires that intercourse be limited to the current marriage partner; however, under the definition of marriage according to Scripture, such a distinction seems to be a “straining at gnats”. Whether or not the relationships are simultaneous or sequential is irrelevant, because, according to the Bible, a marriage only ends with the death of one of the partners, and polygamy occurs whenever one of the individuals has more than one living spouse. The only thing that is really of concern is whether or not the relationships are sinful.

Certain questions are pertinent.

If two people are married, can they divorce and remarry someone else?

The teachings of Jesus, repeated by Paul, are that they are not to divorce. The command is clearly stated, (1 Cor 7:10-11)

“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”

This recognizes the fact that there may be some situations where a separation may be needed, but it is an absolute prohibition of divorce. The woman who separates from her husband and takes a new partner commits adultery. The Church must exercise disciplinary procedures in such cases.

Can a woman take a new husband if her separation from her first husband occurred before she was converted?

In some groups it is taught that a woman divorced prior to conversion is not under the same constraints because the pre-conversion relationship was not a valid “Christian” marriage, but such an argument is nonsense, since the corollary to that would be that married couples undergoing conversion together would be in the same situation, and there has not been any argument made, to my knowledge, that such marriages were not valid. Further, it is interesting to note that in His dispute with the Sadducees, He implies that marriage is for this world-age only (Matthew 22:30) “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” While we are in this body, it matters not what our relationship to the Lord is with respect to marriage. The converted and unconverted are under the same definition of marriage. The fact that a court of law has issued a divorce decree does not end a marriage. A woman whose husband is still alive and who takes a new partner commits adultery.

What if a woman was simply living with a man without a formally recognized marriage, then leaves him (or is left by him), and she later becomes converted; is she free to marry?

The definition of marriage does not make a distinction between whether or not the relationship is formally or legally recognized. Historically (see Froehlich’s testimony as an example) it was often the case that marriages were entered into without sanction by either Church or State. Even today, the concept of the common-law marriage, while divested of legal sanction in most jurisdictions, remains a valid legal relationship if it was entered into prior to losing legal sanction (grandfathered) and definitely so in those jurisdictions that still recognize it (such as the State of Kansas, at this writing). Such a woman who takes a new husband while her former partner is still alive commits adultery.

Can a woman who has been raped marry a different man? Counseling of a rape victim is perhaps one of the sadder counseling situations that can be experienced. It may very well be that the imposition of the death penalty under the Law was done to free such an innocent party from the man who forced himself upon her. There is no guidance given where the Law of God has been superseded by laws of men which do not free the rape victim.

Paul provides some advice that may be applicable in the same chapter cited above. (Verse 17) “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” (Verse 20) “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.” (Verse 24) “So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.” He concludes the chapter with (Verses 39-40) “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” That is extremely difficult advice to follow.

What of the man who marries a woman whose husband is still alive?

The teaching of Jesus is unequivocal; (Matthew 5:32)

“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” and (Luke 16:18) “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

Again, the Church must exercise disciplinary procedures in such cases.

What of the man who has divorced his wife and remarried, whose first wife has not remarried, and all three of them are subsequently converted?

Here is where the path gets slippery. Based on what we have seen from the Scripture so far, such a man is married to both women. Not only are the man and woman “one flesh”, all of them together are “one flesh”. The concept may be strange, but I would only refer to the relationship between Christ, the Church, and the Nation of Israel. Both the Church and the Nation of Israel are referred to as the Bride of the Lord, and Paul states that the Church has been grafted into Israel. This is a great mystery, without a doubt.

While the law of the land may not recognize such a polygynous marriage, I believe that God does recognize it. How the household arrangement in such a situation is resolved would be a matter of great forbearance on the part of all involved. The man cannot neglect the needs of either of his wives, and they must reconcile with each other. We have examined earlier the historical record of men in the Bible who had more than one wife. Nowhere is such an arrangement labeled as sin. However, we can see where the situation caused heartache, rivalry, and strife, and the instructions of Paul to both Timothy and Titus make clear that such a man cannot be allowed to hold a position of leadership in the Church. Nevertheless, such families need the support of the Church, since the surrounding society will be hostile to the arrangement, and as difficult as marriage to one person can be, the temptations attending such a complex relationship will be even greater.

Finally, what of the man who is married and desires a second wife?

The complexity of such a situation is great. While I believe that it is possible for a man who is a Believer to marry more than one woman contemporaneously, and that such a relationship is not inherently forbidden by Scripture (remember, the only direct prohibition is with respect to men who are being considered for Church leadership), it is to be actively discouraged. There are numerous factors which can and should be raised as objections, but if such a relationship is developed, the Church has the responsibility to stress a spiritually healthy approach to the concepts of conjugal relations and subjection. The counsellor tasked with such a situation will need to be patient, prayerful, and deeply grounded in the Word of God and uncompromising in his presentation of the principles regarding loving the other more than self.

We will conclude the discussion with the next segment. Brethren, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and wives, reverence your husbands.