Bad Eggs

The Biology teacher in me shakes his head, mutters, laughs a little, then shakes his head again.

Congressional hearings are to be held on the link between the Great Salmonella Egg Recall and the farms where the eggs were produced. The CEOs of the companies that produce and sell the eggs must appear before Congress to explain. Why has no one called for a Congressional investigation of the American public, questioning how it could possibly elect such morons?

OK, chicks, time for your Biology lesson review.

Subject : Birds. Birds are not people. Birds are not mammals. A bird is a super-modified winged snake, and can also be viewed as a type of warm-blooded toad with feathers.

Birds, snakes, and toads reproduce by laying eggs. Chicken eggs are unborn chickens. If your mommy and daddy gave you the "birds and bees" lecture on human reproduction, you probably have some of your facts wrong.

Human females have separate plumbing for reproduction and pooping. Human females hatch (yeah, that's a stretch, I agree) their eggs inside and the babies are laid from the front orifice. When they are finished digesting food, they poop out the waste from the back orifice -- the anus.

Chickens, however, are single-oriface critters. Their plumbing has a cloaca (Latin for sewer) which exits at their anus. When they lay an egg, they poop it out through the anus. When they finish digesting food, they poop that out through the very same anus. Disgusting as you may think that to be, it is what it is.

Therefore, people who handle chicken eggs carelessly, or eat them raw or even inadequately cooked, subject themselves to potential danger. That fact is understood by every little kid that grew up on a farm. It is understood by every informed adult. It is not understood by Congresscritters. Anything coming out of a chicken's anus is likely to be contaminated. Simple common sense.

One final word. This post will undoubtedly earn me some fan mail about using the word "poop". Too bad. It is a perfectly good English word, and when it is used, there is no mistaking what is meant. If "poop" offends you that badly, try going a few days without it.

Now I know I'm in trouble...