Marriage 102The Doctrine of the Chosennessof the Bride

There are several issues that must be put to rest in order to come to grips logically with the Bible’s statements about the husband-wife relationship. None of these issues is currently politically correct. Most are not comfortable in contemporary Western society. They are all not even theologically acceptable in contemporary theology.

First, to the order of creation. In Genesis 1, it is stated that God made mankind as male and female. It is a matter of conjecture whether the “them” refers to more than one of each. In Genesis 2, He took the man (et-haAdam, the special creation of verse 7) and set him in the garden — alone. Because it was not good for the man to be alone, and there was no other creature that was fit to serve with the man,

“21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh instead thereof. 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And the man said: 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.”

Note the order. God first. Then the man, chosen to work (l’avdah) in the garden. Not just any man — Adam was formed specifically for the task of tending the Garden. Then the woman, uniquely made to help the man. Note that the man had no choice as to where he would work — no free will there. The woman had no choice as to who she might marry; she was made specifically for the man because it was God who determined that the chosen man should not be alone. Note the man’s reaction; she is bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh, and observe God’s pronouncement that they are indeed one flesh. In light of Malachi 2:15, this is a very special match-up.

The order and the purpose will be repeated and reinforced throughout the Scripture. Paul reminds us of this in I Timothy 2:13. God arranged the first marriage. Parents in most cultures had strong influence in the marriages of their children. Even today, there remains the warning that Christians should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in marriage — there should be planning and purpose in the arrangement. This idea has been sadly abused, especially where pagan thinking has been allowed to influence theological expression. That there is a purpose behind the making of each individual is clear, though, and there is a grand design realized within the lives of all those who embrace the Will of God.

Secondly, note the relationship. The two become one flesh. The “fitness” of Eve for Adam was a critical component in her making, and the concept of Malachi 2:15 (“For what seeketh the one? A seed given of God.” JPS Tanach) gives the reason why in the following ages, the fidelity of the wife would become a life and death issue. Despite her vanity that led her to be tricked by the serpent, she was still the “fit” partner of Adam. He may have blamed God for giving her to him, but he never did tell God to take her back.

Thirdly, the task. The very first command that God gave to mankind was to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. In Genesis we are introduced quickly to the “begats”. The concept of family and descendants immediately becomes apparent to the reader. If, perchance, the narrative of Genesis 1 leaves open the possibility of a different potentiality, we clearly see in the 2nd and 3rd chapters that God chose Eve to be the mother of a godly line. All of her descendants trace the male line through Noah to Abraham.

The Scripture does not give us much information about Noah. It states these facts about him : he was “a just man”, he was “perfect in his generations”, and he “walked with God”. Despite believing God’s warning about the Flood, and being labeled “righteous”, we are told that he “found grace in the eyes of the LORD”. In other words, he also deserved to drown, but God picked him out and favored him. His righteousness was in his faith in God, that translated into obedience — “Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.”

The really curious statement about Noah is the one about being perfect in his generations, coming after the statements about the “sons of God” taking wives from the “daughters of men”. If there ever was a different line than that which descended from Eve, it provides a possible solution to not only the question of where Cain got his wife, but also the strange phrasing about the source of the giants. There is an implication that Noah’s “chosen-ness” was connected to his matrilineal descent as well as from his fathers.

The narrative is strangely silent concerning women for the next few centuries. It is finally, more than 400 years after the Flood, that Abram comes on the scene, and the first post-Diluvial woman to be mentioned is Sarai, his sister, and then in the same verse, Milcah, his brother’s daughter.

Abram marries his sister, Sarai. He also marries his sister’s Egyptian slave. He also marries concubines - plural. God picks him out from all the other men of his time and tells him “Go West, young (70 year old) man, to the place I will tell you. Take your wife [singular], your slaves, your flocks, all you have, and start walking until I tell you to stop.” God promises to make him the father of many nations through Sarai, even though at 60 years old she still has not had a child.

Abram obeys, and despite all his flaws, is labeled righteous because he believed God — the proof of his faith was obedience. Even though he does some stupid stuff along the way, he has been picked out by God, and becomes known as the friend of God. He fathers Ishmael through Sarai’s slave, Hagar. Sarai gives Hagar to Abram to be his wife — alongside Sarai. Thus Abram and Hagar became one flesh, just as Abram and Sarai were one flesh. The marriage between Abram and Hagar does not end the marriage between Abram and Sarai, even though it alters the relationship between Sarai and Hagar. While Hagar is not the “wife” in whom the original promise was vested, the promise to Abram that his descendants would be a great nation was additionally extended to Ishmael.

But when Sarai is 89 years old, Abram gets Sarai pregnant at last, according to God’s insistence and in spite of her thinking she was too old. It is a defining moment in history; the LORD changes their names. The reason Abraham’s marriage to Sara has prominence is because God had picked her to be the mother of a special nation — the carrier of a Godly seed. Abraham at this point prefers that Ishmael would be the chosen one. God tells Abraham that both Ishmael and Isaac will father great nations, but that His covenant, regarding the godly line and redemption from sin as promised to Eve, would be with Isaac.

God chose Isaac before he was even born, but what is more interesting is that He chose Sara instead of Hagar, despite the indications that Abraham agreed to the arrangement with Hagar without any argument. Isaac and Ishmael were not the only sons of Abraham, but it was Isaac to whom God referred when he said, “Take now your son, Isaac, your only son…”

So it goes. Abraham sends his most trusted slave to find a wife for Isaac. The narrative shows us that Rebekah was picked out by God, and we see how God sets things up so that men think they are controlling the situation. Rebekah was the daughter of Milcah,who was the sister of Lot. Behind the scenes, we see Milcah’s son Laban scheming; it would not have been surprising had he been hatching a plan to force Rebekah to go as a way of getting the treasures that Abraham’s servant carried. It was God, however, who picked out Rebekah and Rebekah willingly — apparently eagerly — went to Isaac (she appears to be seeking an escape from her idolatrous family). Despite what seems to be the planning of men, the hand of God is obvious.

From what we are told, Isaac appears to have been a one-woman man. There is a curious twist, though, in the narrative. When he blesses Jacob, he states, “be lord over thy brethren and let thy mother’s sons bow down to thee”; when he blesses Ishmael, he states of Jacob, “all his brethren have I given to him for servants”. Plural, brethren? Again, we see God picking a favorite in Jacob, who is a scheming, lying, fearful little brother in the shadow of Esau.

Isaac would have preferred that Esau carry the family blessing. Through the curtain of human intrigue, we see God arranging everything ahead of time. Rebekah recommends that Jacob go see her brother Laban, and Jacob marries two of his cousins. While we see a bit of a tragi-comedy in all these marital maneuvers, we are reminded that the hand of God is at work, choosing the wives for His chosen men. Jacob is smitten with Rachel, yet God chooses Leah, who will be the mother of Judah.

Judah’s sons by Shuah the Canaanite were wicked, yet God chose Tamar to continue that lineage. While we may be somewhat flustered over the chain of events, Tamar appears to have been a more Godly influence than Shuah, and her son Pharez was the forebear of Salmon. Rahab, the Canaanite prostitute, testified to the greatness of the God of Israel, and was the mother of Boaz. Ruth the Moabite descendant of Lot, vowed to Naomi the she would adopt Naomi’s God, and was the grandmother of David the King.

Throughout the story, we see the choosing, the joining, and the laboring together as the lineage of Messiah is developed. There is a purpose to God’s choosing, even when it appears that the situation has accidentally developed out of sinful situations. In every marriage, while it may appear to be at first the choice of a man for a woman and perhaps her choice to accept the proposal, ultimately it is the choice of God as to who marries whom. For this reason, once the choice is made, for good reasons or bad, regardless how it is made, and the marriage consummated, any action to separate the marriage partners or defile the relationship is an act of rebellion against God, Whose choice has been executed behind the curtain of human cluelessness.