Get Your Pork Now

It is time to start another conspiracy theory.

"Everyone knows" that the government is out to control its citizens.

"Everyone knows" that our current administration has been infected (we once used the term "infiltrated", but I think under today's conditions, "infected" is apt) with hard-core anti-people pro-pagan socialists. The current administration is well versed in demagoguery, but sometimes schemers forget that no plan of battle survives contact with the enemy. When you start a stampede, don't try to change horses in mid-stream. (I love those old saws!)

This week we are beset with "swine flu". All over the world, governments are racing to slaughter pigs. The administration is suddenly worried that calling this disease "swine flu" will cause people to avoid pork, and ruin the pork farmers. The price of pork is set to rise, you betcha.

I see the hand of PETA (Pagans for the Extermination of Thoughtful Americans) in this. "Swine flu" is a ploy to stop people from eating pigs. Next month we will have an outbreak of "Mad Cow" disease, and steak and hamburgers will disappear from the menu. Then will come an epidemic of "Chicken Pox", and all the Illegal Aliens working at the chicken processing plants will be out of their jobs and eligible for a stimulus payment of some kind.

Yup. Grandpa Jim has it all figgered out. Conspiracies Unlimited, that's me. I guarantee that you will find it difficult to tell when I am serious and when I am delirious.

Stay tuned as I guide you into more lucidity than any Compact Florescent Light could ever provide.

Ooooo... another brainstorm... space aliens from Mercury... CFLs... there will be a shortage of tinfoil hats...