I stand berated.

I have been informed by certain parties that angels are all male figures, and therefore, by extension, all females will be changed into males upon entering Paradise.

Disclaimer : THIS IS NOT MY IDEA!! I MAKE NO CLAIMS WHATSOEVER WITH REGARD TO ANGELIC GENDER!!

It does, however, make the whole 72 Virgins thing a bit more, shall we say, open to comedic relief?

...snicker...

Really below the belt...

The story last week about the Palestinian grandmother who blew herself up in an attempt to kill Israeli Defense Forces got me to thinking again about the motivation of such folk. Bad thing, sometimes, when I start thinking.

What was her angle, though? Was it 72 virgins? She was an elderly (hey -- a little older than me, that's elderly!) grandmother; was she preferring boys or girls? Why have no media pundits seized on that angle? The guys all seem to be preferring girls, so its natural to think a woman would want men, but 72 of them?

And another question -- would they be fellow suicide bombers?

However, back to the whole virgin thing again. Eternity is a long, long, long time. Who came up with the number 72 anyway? It is easy to show that a stable of 72 virgins would theoretically be exhausted -- HA! gotcha with that pun!-- in just over 10 weeks (or 12, if you take a break on Friday, which is a Mohammedan holy day). If acquiring six dozen virgins, for that length of time, is the sole motivator for giving up (OK, I'm assuming a real studly Jihadi) years of pursuing virgins in this life, somebody is making some illogical decisions.

Furthermore, the Jihadi must realize that if Jesus was a prophet (as Mohammedans claim He was), He is the one that said there would be no marrying or giving in marriage in Heaven. He said we would be like the angels. That, I believe, is the solution to the dilemma regarding 72. It will be plenty, for eternity. When Mr. Jihadi looks between his legs after he gets there, he will see why those virgins will be virgins forever. And it will be too late.

Ah, Paradise.

Tiny - The Boat in the Basement

There are those who think that the boat in the basement is a myth. I built “Tiny” in the basement in 1964. Dad laughed at me -- he asked how I would get it out of the house. He was not at all in favor of the idea of knocking out a few concrete blocks and taking it through the wall.

The sail for “Tiny” was sewn by Dad’s cousin, Julia, who was visiting from Europe that year. I have no idea why she offered to sew the sail for me; we kids made fun of her constantly, because she was always painting still-lifes of fruit.

When the time came, I simply turned “Tiny” on end, and walked her up the basement steps. At 6’ long, 3’ wide, and 1’ deep, it was no problem.



“Tiny” made her maiden voyage on Winebergs’ pond. The biggest problem was a lack of room. The sail would fill, the boat would get under way, and suddenly the opposite bank would be there.

While I was trying to master the art of sailing, our neighbor, Tom Gondor, was trying to get in a final swim for the year. It was cold, but he was skinny-dipping anyway. He tried to tip “Tiny” over, and I clubbed him with a paddle I had on board. He immediately started yelling that I had damaged his kidneys. He didn’t bother the boat any more, though.

I never sailed “Tiny” again. She went into hibernation that Fall in the woods about 100 yards WSW of the pond. The picture was taken about March of 1965. I’ve never been back to see what happened to “Tiny”.

Sucking Sound; Ohio Down the Drain

It appears the voters have once again demonstrated their ignorance of economics. Issue 2 passed -- the Minimum Wage Amendment to the Ohio Constitution. It ties the minimum wage to the Consumer Price Index's annual September rate of increase for "all urban wage earners (New York and Los Angeles included) and clerical workers for all items". It does not address negative rates of increase, such as occurred August-September 2006, but that will probably be a matter for the courts to decide ("What do you mean, you are increasing the minimum wage negatively?").

Ross Perot might want to run for president again.

I decided to do a few calculations on the cost of labor in Ohio. The minimum will go from $5.15 to $6.85 per hour seven weeks from now (1-1-2007). Let's see what that will cost an employer. First, there is the wage itself. Then we have to consider the cost of Social Security and Medicare premiums (currently totaling 7.65% each for employer and employee). We will add State Unemployment Tax and Workers' Comp Tax. For all categories, except construction, the cost of employing someone will increase from $5.68 to $7.56; for construction, the minimum wage cost will go from $5.78 to $7.72 (because of a difference in Unemployment Tax). From there we have some fun with Workers' Comp.

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Sample Work	2006 Cost	2007 Cost
Fast Food Worker	$5.86	$7.80
Gas Station Clerk	$5.94	$7.91
Apple Picker	$7.53	$10.02
Berry Picker	$6.11	$8.13
Carpenter Labor	$6.31	$8.42
Carpenter (1-2 unit)	$6.73	$8.99

Now while the carpenter will probably not be affected (and this would not affect Amish carpenters, since they don't pay the SS and Medicare taxes), the cost of employing a hamburger flipper will go up by almost $2/hour, and the cost of a migrant worker to pick apples will increase by about $2.24/hour (picking apples is a VERY dangerous job!). The kid looking for a job at the gas station or grocery store will cost his boss an additional $1.97/hour. One of two things will happen : either the cost to consumer will rise (which will increase the CPI and drive up the wage the next year), or the job will go away.

Of course, there were some other things in the fine print that voters might not have considered, such as employment records being made available to anyone who can show they have an interest in the worker's welfare, and the time requirement for an employer to keep those records. Ohio employers now have an additional recordkeeping and potential legal liability that will affect their bottom line.

We are in a globally competitive economy. The wages in Bangladesh may not seem to have anything to do with the cost of a Mickey D hamburger, but they are intertwined through networks of costs and prices. I will predict this : those who are lucky enough to get starter jobs will find their increased pay will buy them less than it does now, and for many on the bottom of the economic rung, the prospects will become more dismal. For the employers and consumers, rough water is ahead. The costs of employing a worker will increase geometrically, since Unemployment Tax is tied to the number of people making claims, and the CPI will be fueled by the wage/price spiral.

Economic theory states that scarcity makes desirable things more valuable. Jobs are about to become far more valuable in Ohio than they ever were before.

Straightening Out

Well, this morning I crawled out of the rack with minimal pain. I got down on my knees in thankfulness, and after spending some time there discussing all the world's problems with the Almighty, I stood up and went about my morning routine. It felt good to have only minor stiffness and twinges.

Last Friday morning I woke up with low back pain. I have no idea what caused it. No falls, no hard exertion. Saturday morning, when I woke and tried to get out of bed, I was hardly able to move. I limped around all day. Sunday was painful. Monday I had an appointment in Lodi; getting in and out of the car was torture. Tuesday the pain had diminished in the low back, but it was still not good. Yesterday, at 5 AM there was hardly any pain, but by 7AM it was really rough. Why? I have no idea. Did the occasional needle-like stabbing pain in the left kidney have anything to do with it? No idea.

Did it have any correlation to reading about Job? Should I be superstitious?

This morning, I got up, got going, shaved and showered (carefully, not trusting what I wasn't feeling) and headed out. It was wonderful to be able to lift my legs as high as my chest and not suffer.

Yippeee!!